Dr Ghazala Hassan Qadri, President of MWL International, has highlighted the importance of a positive approach, mindset, and the right kind of language for conflict resolution in a marital relationship. She discussed the effective strategies that can be adopted for resolving a marital conflict while addressing the sixth session of the 4-week Al-Nasiha course organized by Minhaj Sisters-UK. The session commenced with an introduction by Sister Ambreen Mehmood (General Secretary of Minhaj Sisters UK).
Throw light on the issue at hand under the broad topic of how to strengthen the family unit, Dr Ghazala Hassan Qadri said that first of all, rather than dive straight into many accusations of what your spouse does and doesn’t do, rather than focusing directly on the problem with these accusations, it is important to use a more complimentary tact. Approach the problem in a more positive way by giving an indirect compliment. This would then direct the conversation towards a solution or a suggestion and you will become more open minded. Similarly, you can start with some form of appreciation. Begin the conversation with empathy and understanding of the situation. Thus, appreciating the roots of the problem and then turning the conversation towards the problem itself can create a much more positive environment.
Dr Ghazala emphasized that when addressing any issues with your spouse, you should stick to the issue at hand and avoid digressing to other problems or grudges you may have. This can escalate the conflict further resulting in complicating the problems. So, take each problem individually and separately, as if you are able to resolve one issue peacefully, then the chances of resolving other issues are much higher.
President MWL International said that there are multiple outcomes that can descend from these solutions. In very few cases, the spouses can accept responsibility and apologize for their actions or mistakes, hence resolving the issue. If this occurs, it is extremely important that at that point in time, particularly when your spouse is apologizing, that you remember that this was never a competition and there are winners or losers. So, make sure to thank your spouse for apologizing and be humble and grateful by accepting the apology. If we want to be forgiven on the Day of Judgment, then we must forgive the mistakes and hurt that someone else has caused us.
Dr Ghazal said that in most cases, the spouses may partly agree or disagree and have their own point of view of the situation. This should lead to negotiation, it is important to understand that just as you may have your own ideas, opinions, and point of view, then so does your spouse. Even if you may not agree with them, you need to recognize each other’s demands and needs. Avoid being dismissive of their feelings and emotions and assume that you are right.
Dr Ghazala explained that the only way to reach a solution or come to some form of understanding is when both the husband and wife acknowledge one another’s points of view even if you disagree with them.
She said in some cases, as the situation may be too complicated, there is nothing the spouse can do to rectify the problems at hand. At times, there are many things that can’t be solved, but, if you want to stay within that marriage and make it work, it is important that how you live your life and how you take care of your marriage is the key. Whenever there is some sort of conflict or heated argument, and you are trying to reinforce your point, it is vital to remember that the ability to control that anger is the key to being strong.